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Painting of A Past, A Gift to the Future

Phoebe Poh
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Posted: Saturday, November 27, 2010 @ 1:44 AM

All awhile Thanksgiving has just been another event I greet around people for the arrival of another event. But after getting a thanksgiving message from a precious dongsaeng of mine, I really felt the spirit and meaning Thanksgiving. From now on, I will be grateful of this coming event and celebrate it with appreciation. With that said, I felt the urge of expressing my own thanksgiving message here, to everyone - friends or visitors that support me.

A lot has been happening this year for me, but despite ups and downs coming like waves, I'm grateful, because I believe God give them to me to build me to be a tougher and stronger person to face the later working society and the future.

I'm thankful to my family... I have two loving brothers whom we may fight at times, but laughs it out in the end, and that no matter where I go I just wanna get a piece of souvenir since they couldn't join in the fun. And not forgetting my parents whom are the most perfect parents I can ever have. Although our family isn't wealthy, they tried their best to keep us happy and without worries, and also to provide us with the best quality stuff for us as well as giving us support in advice in whatever we face. I can't wish for a better family in the world.

I'm thankful to my best friend... We may be pretty opposite with each other that we sometimes don't click and get me pissed on explaining, but although she isn't good with words, she's there to listen to me or just be there for me anytime I need her. Like she said, we're inseparable gummies. Even with our loads of friends surrounding us, we can always count on each other for anything. I'm thankful of the way she see me as her best friend as I do to her.

I'm thankful to all the friends I made so far, both online and reality.... all along my friends had never failed to treat me sincerely and be there to support me. My friends are one of the biggest treasure of my life as I always said. So far I have never had bad friends and I thank God for his kindness in this. I love and appreciate every single one of my friends. Although I might not be able to keep in contact with them much, but I'm thankful when I do talk to them, they freelytreat me like we had contacted all these while.

I'm thankful to DBSK... for because of the strong love for them I became conscious of the music and media industry. To seek more about them I bought chinese magazine and soon started translating the content of their interviews for a Malaysian Cassiopeia group in imeem, which soon turned forum to accommodate more members.

I'm thankful to the Malaysian Cassiopeian Forum.... for with their existence I made lots of new friends, and got my own MC family. Although the gatherings were few, but I enjoyed each and every one of them and meet all the lovely cassies of the forum. From there is where I also started becoming more active in photoshopping. And from translating some fics I found interesting in the chinese magazine I have, I started having the thoughtof writing my own fanfic as well and slowly found my way to the fanfic world.

I'm thankful to the girl that gave me a chance to make her poster and gave me the chance to be a graphic designer... I known about her when she was the one reviewing my unnie's story and she saw a talent in me when she noticed my unnie's poster and soon offered me a job as GD in a site. I was hesitant, but accepting that offer was one of the best thing that ever happened in my life. How I met so many talented people all around the requesting sites and expanded my passion for photoshopping. She was one really one of the best people I ever known in my life and honored that were friends with.

I'm thankful to that girl that had the first internet scandal with me... Although it was really hurtful experience that she was actually two-faced me, I was glad that I found out there's actually so many people concerning and supporting me. Despite the pain she brought me, she made me closer to my precious dongsaeng. Our bond became stronger when she never left me despite how I doubted her words before and it makes me really appreciate her existence in my life and really want to be there to support her as much as I could. And from this scandal that I known... 'her'... more closely.

I'm thankful to the girl that approached me to comfort me and be there for me when I was suffering the painful trauma of the internet scandal. She shared a lot of things with me and I got to know more about Suju and the other artists around. I became more aware of the kpop industry other than my beloved DBSK. But due to my unconscious attachment to her, I had to lost her, and it was a pain way beyond the pain of betrayal from BC. Despite the lost of her and another good friend, I gained more friends. I found 2 new families that could be there to support me as I could support them. I found who were my true friends that stick to me no matter what. I found to value more of the friends that stood by me through both these pain.

I'm thankful for the tears I shed for the past month... because those tears show how much I love and appreciate the friend of mine. I would be hating myself if I could just so easily let go of her and leave, because that would mean she isn't really a friend to me but just someone to talk to. Although it was really painful for me to lose a friend, I hope to cry again not from missing her, but from cherishing the good memories I had. Those tears are also shed from how grateful and thankful I am to all the supports of people around me, the tears are definitely not wasted.

I'm thankful of the depression I had for the past month... for with that depression I started thinking a lot and try to figure things out. It even brought some of my friends closer to me, and make me appreciate and love the friends around me more and more. God had shown to me how strong of a friend support system I have, and I'm thankful for that. God had given me a strong obstacle to surpass in my life yet kept the mattress of friendship below so I won't fall down too badly. He had in his own way, gave me kindness enough to pass his harsh lessons upon my life for me to learn.


A season to forgive and forget...

No human is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and should all be given a second chance.

I'm wiping away the internet scandal with this entry. I hope after so long, she had come to realization that the internet world isn't all fun and games. Not everyone put a mask on to make friends on the internet, there are really people truly showing their true selves and sincerely treating friends.

To all my friends out there reading this...

Action speaks louder than words but words are all I can say now. I can never express how much each of you mean to me in my life. Don't try to ask me to pick or rank my friends because they all are equally important to me, they are all my life, the formation of my heart.

Thank you for being a part of my life, a portion of my time that will never be consider wasted. Thank you for hearing all my sorrows and pain, yet show all your laughter and smile to bring me up again. Thank you for all your harsh and blunt words. To me they don't show pain or hurt but only the deepest concern, for you guys care about me so much to accept me despite how much I'm lacking and never leaving me, while trying your best, even in the harshest way, to improve me to a better person. Don't be afraid to hurt me. For nothing hurts me more than you guys keeping things you're unhappy about me till you exploded and have to leave me. Even if it's harsh, I will accept any truth. A true friendship has no problem that can't be solved and no feelings that can't be laid out.

I may not be the best person... probably one of the worst or one of the most lacking in the world, but I still wanna be there for each of you, even just a tiny strength compared tothe pack you had, I wanna be someone useful and someone you guys can depend on as well. So don't hesitate to find me if you need a shoulder to lean on or just a helping ear.

The mistakes I made so far... it will be accumulated lessons of my life for a better future.

Lastly a thank you for the visitors that comes visiting my blog. Thank you for showing concern in my life. I'm grateful for your every visit. I hope in time, I will get to know each of you more and do my very best to support and be there for you as well.

Thank you everyone. I'm ending this entry with a gift.


Posted: Thursday, April 15, 2010 @ 8:11 AM

Today is the birthday of a person that was once a special part of my life.

A person that was the first to bully me so terribly, but then I found out it was just his way to get my attention.

A person that would act all tough in front of everyone but can be the sweetest and most mushy person when its just the two of us.

A person that can go over the edge to make me cry and tear from frustration but stands up bravely and cheers me on when I was bullied even very mildly by someone else.

A person that brought me laughter, tears, anger, frustration, and just about every emotions possible.

A person that made me felt loved and pampered from all his mushy phone calls in the morning and messages throughout each day.

A person that made this short first relationship experience of mine felt like a fantasy you can only find from those drama you watched on TV. A love to be cherished forever although its no longer in my grasp.

Although I can't wish you personally. I hope my sincere wishes can still reach you in some way.

Happy Birthday, T.Y


I apologize to everyone, my readers especially, for the long pause right now on all my stories. I need more time to get back that spark of enthusiasm I have back then when I first started writing fanfic. I guess after all that happened, I really drained myself too much and just don't want to be too devoted to the fanfic world at the moment. I promise to still make the updates but it will be slower than usual. You have the right to be mad at me, I won't blame you. I just don't think forcing myself to make the updates will bring a good story for your enjoyment. Sorry. *bows*
Well, nothing much. The above is the main reason I posted this entry. Will edit when I think up anything else.

EDITED [20th June 2010]

I suppose to make this notice a long time ago but only find the time(and determination) to do it now.

I am sure most of you may be wondering why I seem to disappear lately, not replying to any messages dropped in my tagboard and not updating any of my stories in winglin. Well, now I am here to official announce that I, Phebs will be on a year hiatus. You heard me, A YEAR, which means everything(writing stories and graphic designing) will be on hold until July 2011(next year)

Please don't be alarmed by this. I am now at my final(and crucial) stage of my studies now so all attention will have to be put to it. No more slacking off and fooling about now. So although it is hard for me to make this decision, I have to do so. I understand that my skills (writing or graphic designing) will definitely be rust out by then and everyone will probably not remember me anymore after that. But for those who are still willing to wait for me to continue my stories when I get back, I thank you all dearly.

A year is not really a long time, yet it's not short so I am sure you will probably forget how do my stories go anyway. I am truly sorry for not being able to complete them before I go off on my hiatus. As most of you may know(if you been keeping in touch with me), a lot have happened to disrupt my progress. But it's my own fault for not being able to cope with the changes and provide you my best. *bows*

Well, with that said. Summing up everything, Phebs will be on a one-year hiatus from this moment onward. It may be good in a way that I take a break and freshen up on inspiration. Hopefully when I am back and new, I will still have people still anticipating and looking forward to my work. If unfortunately there isn't.... I guess this is a forever goodbye and I won't make the comeback. I am sorry if it have to come to that.

I will really TRULY miss everyone when I am away. Thank you so much for the support you have given me so far. I hope to keep contact with you all as often as I can. See you guys again soon enough. *waves*